I knew almost my whole nine months of pregnancy that Jude had a form of dwarfism. I had times when I feared he wouldn’t live but mostly I had faith that he would.
I knew jude would have dwarfism but there are things I didn’t know. When I pictured him I thought maybe he would just be small, fully functioning but just small. I had no problem with that, I never grieved Jude’s height.
What I didn’t know is that Jude wouldn’t be able to do normal day to day things.
I didn’t know he wouldn’t move his arms, hold up his head, sit up, stand up, crawl, learn his first words by now, eat and the list goes on.
This has been weighing on me lately with Christmas just around the corner. I have spent endless nights researching and trying to find toys that a child who can’t move his arms or sit up would enjoy. I have feared Christmas day because I know Jude won’t be able to open his presents and his daddy and I will have to do it for him. I have grieved that he won’t play with his toys.
There are so many things I grieve over that he can’t do. This has been a challenging and painful thing to face.
Today I scooped him up and sat in my rocker with him. I know he can’t understand me but I just started telling him how sorry I was that he can’t do all of these things. I prayed for him and I cried with him.
The whole time I sat there crying, Jude continued to give me the most joyous smiles and then I realized, regardless of these things Jude can’t do he is so happy. He knows he is loved and that brings him joy.
Even though Jude can’t open his presents and play with his toys this Christmas, Jude will be with his family whom he adores. Yes, I plan on wrapping him presents and giving him toys. But most of all, on Christmas Day I plan on scooping him up and showing him all the love that I physically can, because that’s what makes him truly happy and brings him such pure joy. He truly just loves to be loved.
This Christmas I am thankful for his life and I am thankful to be able to show him how incredibly loved he is.
And now for a photo overload……