The Question

Since I was a young girl, I have always wanted a big family when I grew up. I knew one day that I wanted to be a mom to several kids. And I even dreamed of adopting as well.

My husband Sully wants five kids. I would love to have five children and even more if that’s what The Lord has in store for us.

My husband and I married young. Sully was 19 and I was 20. We definitely had people questioning if we were ready and if we were too young. But I always wanted to get married young, I loved the idea of learning and growing with my husband. I love that I got to experience life on my own for the first time with my husband and my best friend. We have grown and learned so much together. Marrying him when I did was the best decision I ever made.

August 10, 2013 we found out we were pregnant with Jude. This was unplanned and a total surprise but the best surprise in the world.

A few weeks later we got the news that Jude wasn’t growing the way they would expect an average baby to grow. After seeing many specialists and hearing horrible things, we had to start preparing ourselves for what could have been a much worse outcome.

As all of you know, Jude was born with a rare form of Dwarfism called Rhizomelic Condrodysplasia Punctata. This was something we were in no way prepared for. I say that we tried to prepare ourselves, but there is honestly no way to fully prepare yourself to have a baby with a lethal diagnosis.

We were told that Jude wouldn’t make it far through infancy. Jude is almost 7 months and he is doing very well. We have a lot of challenges to face and he has a long journey ahead but he is such a happy baby and he is pretty healthy in ways they said he wouldn’t be.

Becoming a mom to a special needs baby has been one of the hardest things to face. There are times when I lose control of emotions and there are times when I am gripped with total fear.

But what I can say is that becoming a mom to Jude has also been the most rewarding and wonderful experience. I am blessed everyday with the most precious gift that God trusted me and Sully to love and care for. I feel so special that he chose us. I am thankful that Jude was given to our family. He has brought so much joy, healing, love, unity, sacrifice and faith.

I came into contact with someone I have never met the other day and faced questions I haven’t had to fully face.

He asked me if I knew before Jude was born that he had special needs and if I had the other option. He was asking me if I had the option to abort Jude. This really hit me hard, as my baby was sitting there next to him. I didn’t understand why he felt that was an ok question to ask a young mom leaving a doctors office with her son. I took on an offense but I still replied. I told him that I knew and that I definitely had that option given to me. I then told him that I never once would ever consider that option and let him know that having Jude has been such a blessing in my life.

He then asked me if there was a chance of having another baby with RCDP. I told him the chances and he said “well then I would say it’s best for you to consider adoption.” I told him that we have considered but we also would like more of our own children. He looked very confused.

I have been asked a few times if I were going to try and have more babies. I honestly didn’t know how to answer this question for the longest time because I was scared. I was scared that if I have another baby one day, Jude wouldn’t get all of me. I wouldn’t be able to give him what I can now. My every single day is spent loving on Jude, doing therapy with Jude, taking Jude to appointments and medicating him.

Naturally the thought of having more children has been something that has been challenging to take on. There have been many fears and what ifs. After praying and seeking The Lord on this for so many months this is what my answer is.

Like I said before, it has been my dream to have a big family. I don’t think The Lord is asking me to give up my dream by giving me Jude. I think he made Jude part of this dream. I wouldn’t trade having Jude when I did for anything in the world.

Jude has taught me to be patient, he has taught me to have faith, he has taught me to fight, he has taught me a greater love, he has taught me sacrifice, he has taught me strength and he has taught me bravery. You see, Jude has taught me to be a mommy.

I will always be able to give him my all. I will always love him with all my heart. Having more children cannot change the way I love Jude. I will love all my babies with unconditional love.

I realize that statistics say that there could be a 1 in 4 chance of us having anther baby with RCDP. I would be lying if I said it doesn’t in some ways scare me. I realize that would be a lot to take on. But I also realize that it is a privilege and an honor to care for and love on these babies. I want to be a mommy to more of my own kids and regardless if they are born with or without RCDP, they will be fearfully and wonderfully made! Just as our sweet Jude is.

I can’t wait to have more kids. I can’t wait to have best friends for Jude who will love him like no other friends could. I have two sisters and the love you share with your siblings is unmatchable. I wouldn’t keep that from Jude.

I have decided that I want to trust The Lord in whatever he has in store. He has carried me through it all and showed me how to keep joy even in situations that can be challenging. I am thankful for his wonderful grace that daily refreshes my heart. I am trusting in him.

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8 thoughts on “The Question

  1. Im sorry.Id have been so offended with that man talking to you.Id had to tell him it wasn’t any of his business if I decided to give birth again or not.But I know that’s not the Christian way.You handled it well.

    • Hannah, I have been married now for 21 years, but earlier in our marriage we had multiple miscarriages. I was diagnosed with a chromosome translocation. Our babies were dying due to physical deformation. We were given the odds that 60% would never survive pregnancy, 20% would be born with deformity, 10% would be a carrier like me, and 10% would be perfectly fine and not be a carrier. I did not have a desire to be pregnant again and we felt called to adopt. We adopted two times, both multiracial, one boy and one girl. I would like to adopt again someday and/or consider foster care. I have faced odd questions and comments as well. I try to make them a teachable moment to reflect God to someone who may not know Him.
      If your deep desire is to have more children, that desire and of course any baby would be from God. I think you are a very strong and loving mom who will do well with God’s help.
      Thank you for sharing sweet Jude with us. I consider it a privilege and honor to enter your lives and pray for your family.

  2. I have been keeping up with your story a bit and girl I just wanna say you rock! You’re a great mom and you love that boy with every fiber! He is beautiful and looks like a wonderful boy! I keep showing my husband his pics and I keep telling him how cute I think he is!! Praying for healing for this little guy!

  3. Hannah,

    You know that I carry my little dude Jude in my heart and in my prayers daily. I am also so thankful that God provided him with his first best friend – his cousin, Everett Rhodes. I think they will be like peas and carrots their whole lives – God sent them for each other and they both will learn from each other!! That is such a huge blessing!

    You and Sully are totally and 100% blessed beyond words to have Jude! The three of you were meant to be together from before any of you were born!!

    What God joins and brings together let no one separate – not diagnosis’s, not what the doctors say, not what people say and not what statistics say!!

    Stay strong sweet Hannah – you have a warfare praying church on fire praying for you, Sully, and little Jude!! God’s glory is manifested in this little guy’s life and he has touched so many hearts in his short life so far!

    And like I have said before, Jude has a mighty call on his life and his life will touch, change and he will minister to millions in his life!!

    Love you my little dude Jude – you inspire me to keep pushing through the pain!!

    Hugs and love to you too Hannah and you are a wonderful mother to your first born son, Jude!!

    From my heart,
    Suzanne

  4. Wonderful reply to the person who posed a tough question to you. I see Father has a huge ministry for you and Sully along with Jude. Hearts will be reached for the lost and those of a harden heart. They will see your love, faith and trust in God and that will make them question and hopefully seek Him to get to know Him as you do.

    Praying for your family and that it will be all that Father has planned it to be.

    Blessings.

  5. Hannah, what a great bible name, it’s certainly significant considering your blessed with the sweetest baby I’ve ever seen.
    I saw Jude on Instagram and started following you. I love how you write.. I like the old fashioned gospel way you seem to be. . It’s so nice to see the spiritual maturity, I wish I could meet you and just be your friend. .
    I don’t even know where you live, I’m live in waterford Michigan. I’m an awesome hair stylist.. I’d love to treat you some day to hair or something.
    I pray for you and your family daily.
    Jesus is my savior. I thank him for the hardest times because I wouldn’t know his comfort as much as I do.
    My email is theresadiane5@gmail.Com
    I’d love to hear from you.
    Love in Christ
    Theresa Drinkard.

  6. God bless you, your beautiful son, Jude and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey and blessings with the world! You will forever be in my prayers 😘😘😘

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