Since I was a young girl, I have always wanted a big family when I grew up. I knew one day that I wanted to be a mom to several kids. And I even dreamed of adopting as well.
My husband Sully wants five kids. I would love to have five children and even more if that’s what The Lord has in store for us.
My husband and I married young. Sully was 19 and I was 20. We definitely had people questioning if we were ready and if we were too young. But I always wanted to get married young, I loved the idea of learning and growing with my husband. I love that I got to experience life on my own for the first time with my husband and my best friend. We have grown and learned so much together. Marrying him when I did was the best decision I ever made.
August 10, 2013 we found out we were pregnant with Jude. This was unplanned and a total surprise but the best surprise in the world.
A few weeks later we got the news that Jude wasn’t growing the way they would expect an average baby to grow. After seeing many specialists and hearing horrible things, we had to start preparing ourselves for what could have been a much worse outcome.
As all of you know, Jude was born with a rare form of Dwarfism called Rhizomelic Condrodysplasia Punctata. This was something we were in no way prepared for. I say that we tried to prepare ourselves, but there is honestly no way to fully prepare yourself to have a baby with a lethal diagnosis.
We were told that Jude wouldn’t make it far through infancy. Jude is almost 7 months and he is doing very well. We have a lot of challenges to face and he has a long journey ahead but he is such a happy baby and he is pretty healthy in ways they said he wouldn’t be.
Becoming a mom to a special needs baby has been one of the hardest things to face. There are times when I lose control of emotions and there are times when I am gripped with total fear.
But what I can say is that becoming a mom to Jude has also been the most rewarding and wonderful experience. I am blessed everyday with the most precious gift that God trusted me and Sully to love and care for. I feel so special that he chose us. I am thankful that Jude was given to our family. He has brought so much joy, healing, love, unity, sacrifice and faith.
I came into contact with someone I have never met the other day and faced questions I haven’t had to fully face.
He asked me if I knew before Jude was born that he had special needs and if I had the other option. He was asking me if I had the option to abort Jude. This really hit me hard, as my baby was sitting there next to him. I didn’t understand why he felt that was an ok question to ask a young mom leaving a doctors office with her son. I took on an offense but I still replied. I told him that I knew and that I definitely had that option given to me. I then told him that I never once would ever consider that option and let him know that having Jude has been such a blessing in my life.
He then asked me if there was a chance of having another baby with RCDP. I told him the chances and he said “well then I would say it’s best for you to consider adoption.” I told him that we have considered but we also would like more of our own children. He looked very confused.
I have been asked a few times if I were going to try and have more babies. I honestly didn’t know how to answer this question for the longest time because I was scared. I was scared that if I have another baby one day, Jude wouldn’t get all of me. I wouldn’t be able to give him what I can now. My every single day is spent loving on Jude, doing therapy with Jude, taking Jude to appointments and medicating him.
Naturally the thought of having more children has been something that has been challenging to take on. There have been many fears and what ifs. After praying and seeking The Lord on this for so many months this is what my answer is.
Like I said before, it has been my dream to have a big family. I don’t think The Lord is asking me to give up my dream by giving me Jude. I think he made Jude part of this dream. I wouldn’t trade having Jude when I did for anything in the world.
Jude has taught me to be patient, he has taught me to have faith, he has taught me to fight, he has taught me a greater love, he has taught me sacrifice, he has taught me strength and he has taught me bravery. You see, Jude has taught me to be a mommy.
I will always be able to give him my all. I will always love him with all my heart. Having more children cannot change the way I love Jude. I will love all my babies with unconditional love.
I realize that statistics say that there could be a 1 in 4 chance of us having anther baby with RCDP. I would be lying if I said it doesn’t in some ways scare me. I realize that would be a lot to take on. But I also realize that it is a privilege and an honor to care for and love on these babies. I want to be a mommy to more of my own kids and regardless if they are born with or without RCDP, they will be fearfully and wonderfully made! Just as our sweet Jude is.
I can’t wait to have more kids. I can’t wait to have best friends for Jude who will love him like no other friends could. I have two sisters and the love you share with your siblings is unmatchable. I wouldn’t keep that from Jude.
I have decided that I want to trust The Lord in whatever he has in store. He has carried me through it all and showed me how to keep joy even in situations that can be challenging. I am thankful for his wonderful grace that daily refreshes my heart. I am trusting in him.