Six months

It was 6 months ago today that my beautiful baby arrived. I remember everything about that day. I remember arriving and walking that long hall to the room I would deliver him in. That felt like the longest walk and I remember thinking “I never want to see this hall again if it means I will be leaving without Jude” I couldn’t bare the thought of that. That day was filled with so much fear yet so much excitement. I tried to prepare myself to not be able to hold Jude, as I was told it would be that way because he wasn’t suppose to be big and healthy enough. I was told he wouldn’t weigh more than three pounds. At 3:06am he finally arrived after nineteen hours of labor. He weighed six pounds and nine ounces. I was told he would have trouble breathing on his own so we may not hear a cry but we did! We heard the most beautiful cry. They whisked him away into the surgical room connected to my delivery room and I could hear his cry and all I wanted was to hold him but was aware that it wasn’t going to happen because they told me he would go to the NICU. But then I saw them walking back in and they were bringing him to me! They handed him to me and instantly my life felt complete, my faith was restored and my heart felt an overwhelming kind of love I had never felt before. I will never forget all the beautiful details about this day. It was two days after Jude was born that the doctor came into our hospital room to tell us the most horrific words you could receive as brand new parents. I was sitting in my hospital bed holding my beautiful new baby when the words were spoken to us that Jude had a terminal diagnosis. I can’t compare the heartbreak, fear and shock I felt in that moment to anything else. I was holding a brand new perfect life in my hands and then instantly I was filled with fear that it would be taken from me. Jude was sent home on hospice and morphine and the best advice they could really give was “make him comfortable.” Today Jude has been here with us for half a year! A wonderful and beautiful six months. He has changed my life completely in so many perfect ways. His strength is inspiring, his love is unmatchable and his spirt is beyond sweet and beautiful. He is the bravest little warrior I have ever known. I am thankful everyday that he was given to me. It it my greatest joy in life to be the mother to such a perfect, strong, brave and beautiful little boy. Jude’s LIFE has been such a beautiful testimony of the goodness and faithfulness of The Lord. His life has drawn me closer to my Heavenly Father and made me understand his love for us in a whole new wonderful way.

Jude, happy six months! I love you forever and always my beautiful warrior boy. Your life is so special to me and I will continue to fight with you, always ❤️





3 thoughts on “Six months

  1. What a beautiful commentary in never losing hope for your adorable baby Jude. Your love and committment to your son is an inspiration. Sometimes life gives us unbearable challenges and I commend you in your strength and love for your son to surmount these challenges.

    Will include you and your son in my prayers and look forward to his increasing progress in his life.

    beryl levine


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