Trusting Him

Received a call today that took me by surprise. I got news that I did not want to hear. My son, Jude had a sleep study recently and the results we got back from that are not what we were praying for.

Jude has central Apnea. We have known for awhile now that he has cervical stenosis but didn’t realize exactly what it was causing until
today. His Stenosis in his C-spine is what they believe is causing the apnea.

Central sleep apnea occurs because your brain doesn’t send proper signals to the muscles that control your breathing. This condition is different from obstructive sleep apnea, in which you can’t breathe normally because of upper airway obstruction. Central sleep apnea is less common than obstructive sleep apnea.

Jude’s stenosis it making it to where the messages in his body aren’t flowing properly.

I can honestly say that I wasn’t expecting these results. I prayed a lot and I truly believed and had faith they everything would come back clean.

They are pretty sure that now Jude will need a spinal decompression surgery, which they weren’t thinking was needed before his sleep study. Google a spinal decompression surgery and you will understand why this is something I do not want my 5 month old baby to go thorough.

They also had some cardiac concerns, as they saw that Jude’s heart often skips beats so they are sending us back to cardiology for an EKG. And they said Jude has severe reflux and needs a GI surgery. There are two options for the GI surgery and it’s a very hard decision to make, so we need prayers for wisdom.

So now I have to just wonder why. Why does he have to go through all of this? And why can’t he ever catch a break? It seems there is always something new that has to be done. I am not sure if I will ever understand why.

I would be lying to say that i haven’t had to fight off anger and bitterness, because I certainly have. But I am deciding not to harbor anger in my heart.

I know we serve a big God and all things are possible for him. Now I must place my trust in him. Not in what I have seen him do or have heard he has done. I must place my trust in him alone for who he is.

Sure, I have lots of questions that I wish so badly would be answered and I don’t know for sure if I will receive those answers. But without him and without hope and faith I have nothing to lean on.

The team that works with Jude are suppose to be calling me back shortly. They are going over the sleep study once more and then deciding the definite treatment plans that are needed and when. I still have hope that maybe the answers will be different than they thought.

After I got off that phone call from receiving that news, I got on the bed beside Jude and he started smiling the biggest cheesy smiles at me. It was as if he knew I needed them and he was saying “mom it’s going to be ok”

Jude has the sweetest spirit and nothing he goes through can bring him down. He has been through high waters but he always comes out fighting. I wish everyday that I could be as strong and brave as Jude. I’m thankful for his strength that carries me.

Thank you for all of your prayers for our sweet Jude and please continue to pray for a miracle.

-Hannah

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25 thoughts on “Trusting Him

  1. Praying for your sweet Jude. God understands your moments of anger, and the why questions. He is bigger. Praying for the healing miracle that we know our God is capable of providing. Hugs!

  2. wow, Hugs and major massive prayers ❤ no words can even attempt to know or feel what your family is going through I pray everyday and sending awesome thoughts and answers to make LIL man healthy

  3. oh hannah. i love your boy so much. i cry from love, cuteness overload and ache every time i see him. holding your heart in deep love and prayer as your sweet, precious family holds that angel boy through this journey.

  4. I believe God has a great purpose for Jude. The fact that his spirit is unbroken and that he is a truly happy child shows me that he knows how deeply he is loved. Ultimately your child is here to teach those of us willing to listen to his message. My love and prayers are with not only Jude, but Mommy and Daddy. Your strength and love guides Jude through each day.

  5. Hannah you are right… we may never know why. But the Lord is good and He is faithful. I am paralyzed and my 2 kids went to be with the Lord after our terrible car wreck last year. I don’t understand it either. But like you I must keep believing and trusting the Lord through it all – and I am praying for a miracle in my body as well. I know I will see my baby girls again. My husband and I know your father from BRSM, and we have been praying for Jude every day since before he was born. I look forward to seeing Jude’s pictures posted everyday. He is SO adorable and I love the big smiles. We love you all! God bless!

  6. God is sending you professionals to mend your baby. And the best thing you can do IS to make sure you keep your eye on Him, and your trust, in Him. Blessings to your family and your precious baby. I will keep you in my prayers. In God’s love….

  7. My daughter and I are praying for Jude. May the Lord guide you in the decisions that you have to make and give you the strength that only He can provide.

  8. Please know that you have prayer warriors behind you and your family during these trying times. I cannot even begin to imagine the fear and uncertainty that you must feel at times. I have been keeping up with Jude over the past few months and he sure has a special place in my heart! His pictures bring a smile to my face and I can only imagine what joy he brings you! The Lord will bring you through this difficult time and he will heal baby Jude.

  9. Hannah, I’m a friend of Lindsey Broere’s. I want you to know I’ve been praying for you and Baby Jude since right before he was born. I also want you to know his smile has brightened up my day many a time. It’s an absolute honor to lift you all up to our gentle, strong, loving Father.!

  10. Will be praying for little Jude, his family and his medical team. That God will grant you wisdom in making the decisions that you are faced with at this time…I am on a FB prayer chain…would you like me to add Jude?

  11. Hannah, anger is a part of the human condition. It is OK to be angry and it is OK to be angry at God. He understands. Just don’t stop loving him. Talk to him. Tell him your feelings. Share your anger, you anguish and your angst. He knows and he understands. He just knows more of what his plan is for you and for Jude. Trust Him. Telling him you are hurt and angry is the same as your child telling you the same thing. You know as a parent how much you appreciate hearing what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. Trust him with your anger Hannah, HE can handle it and he will comfort you. God bless you and Jude.

  12. I have been praying for Jude and your family since a little before his birth, I will not falter in my belief that God is the Master Healer and He has a lot of love and compassion for Jude and your family. I believe in miracles, I believe they could take a second look and find out differently. Jude is a son of God and held within His heart, and I too will be praying daily, hourly if needed for Jude’s miracle. ❤

  13. We have been praying for this little miracle from the get-go. Our almost 2 yr old grandson has Achondroplasia, the Lord has done so many miracles in him, as with Baby Jude. We continue to call him healed of the Lord, we continue to pray for daddy and mommy and rest of the family, strength, wisdom, guidance and peace only the Lord can give in Jesus name. Our daughter-in-law Brooke, Kenton’s mommy was the one to ask for prayer for Jude before he was even born, Jude holds such a special place in all our hearts. My husband and I pray for him everyday, laying hands on his picture, believing and full of faith that the miracles he needs will continue to flow.

  14. Trying and praying to find the right words….I know what I want to deposit in your heart…and I want it to be a seed of encouragement, a stronghold of hope. My precious daughter, now 23 was born with a rare syndrome and also has significant autism. She is nonverbal, totally dependent for care and so on…in many ways younger than a 15 month old. AND she is my joy, my life, my privilege….lent by the Lord. I prayed and BELIEVED faithfully for miraculous healing…actually there were seasons when I KNEW she would be healed this side of Heaven…and even today, so many years later…I KNOW He is able, and I still accept and believe miraculous healing could come. However….somewhere along MY walk, I laid my precious baby on His altar and proclaimed she was totally His. And I knew, just as you know about Jude, that she had a mighty purpose in her life, and HE was in control about how she would carry out HER God given ministry. I trusted and I still do. I believe with all my thoughts, will and emotions that miraculous healing is real and is for today. I know you believe this as well. I too had questions in those early days and I can tell you He was faithful to answer each and every one of them. I also have been blessed to really see His hand upon her daily…and to realize ALL of the miracles that were occurring (and still continue) in her and in her life. I often felt in those early years…what a testimony a healed Rachael could bring to the Lord….I wondered why, since He KNEW I would shout her healing from the rooftops and only give Him the all the praise…why would He withhold healing from her?? But all of that was years ago. And I sit now…HERE and not then, and NOW I can see a bit clearer the Lord’s plans…as they are still unfolding. And what I pray for you, sweet, sweet mother to Jude….is continued faith, even in the valley times, to believe in miraculous healing. On this side of Heaven, we do not always understand His ways, but we don’t have to. We have faith and trust that He has extreme and profound love for Jude….and has a perfect plan for HIS life. Our privilege and responsibility is to continue to pray for healing and our privilege and responsibility is to KNOW our prayers matter and move Heaven!!!

    May your faith and trust and love for Jesus grow daily. May His presence be tangible in your life. May His peace…that DOES pass our understanding, surround you. May your quiet whisperings and questions to The Lord be answered in HiS timing….as He knows what is HIS best for you and Jude. I pray you have support and love that surrounds you daily, and supernatural strength…as needed for the journey.

    Remember this…when Jesus lay in that manger, Himself a helpless and dependent baby, YOU were on His mind, Jude was on His mind. He loves you both so much….He will NOT leave you nor forsake you….He is able. I know you already know all of these treasures, but I felt led to write you and remind you, you are not alone. There are mothers who have gone before you….and can attest with GREAT joy of His faithfulness!!

    I will continue to pray for miraculous healing!!! And for His grand love to continue to sustain you and your husband.

    Because of Him,
    Carol

  15. I have cerebral palsy caused by lack of oxygen to the brain I was born in 47 so my mom and dad did not have the technology that we have today. They didn’t think I would walk it took me till I was 18 months old but I did If little Jude has a fighter Spirit he can achieve anything. Go to Psalm 139 where he fearfully and wonderfully made Jude in your womb so He knows the plans He has for Jude. Trust in Him Pray for the surgeons and doctors to have the wisdom direction and discernment. Take each day as God gives it to you When you rush ahead of God that is when we get stressed and anxious Please give us updates We will pray

  16. Dear Hannah,
    I can imagine it´so hard to see your baby boy going through this. But there are things in life that we don´t fully understand. I know that baby Jude is so brave and strong and that he is going to have a successful surgery. Believe me that God is right beside Jude, and he is guiding him and holding his hand all the time. At the end baby Jude will be completely healthy because every surgery, every pain will be transform in plenty days full of joy. You´re the most brave mom and I really admire you. I know it´s so hard, but don´t decay.
    Jude has the most amazing family ever!
    I love you guys, and from Ecuador, we are praying every day for this little, sweet man.
    Hugs!
    Andre

  17. A friend of mine led me to your blog. My heart is full of love for your little man and admiration of your family’s spirit. Jude is beyond cute and sweet, I will keep him and all of you in my prayers. My son is 2.5 years old and has CDPX1 Brachytelephalangic Chondrodysplasia Punctata (x-linked). My son is a strong boy and the happiest toddler I have ever met, he has proved everything single prediction and warning the doctors gave us at birth. I can tell that Jude has that same willpower to overcome. May God bless you on your journey and my prayers will be with you all!

  18. Cervical-medullar decompression is crucial when signs of compression apear. Or when MRI reveals compression even without physical signs. The surgery is a terrifying for us, parents. We need to search for inner strength that we haven’t discovered yet until that day. Clara, my daughter had decompression surgery at 9 months old. She was strong, brave and cheerful during recovery. It will be okay. A kiss for Jude

  19. Hannah, thank you for sharing your heart in this journey you are going through. Your honesty and transparency not only helps us to empathize with you so that we can pray with heartfelt fervency for Jude and your family but also to be strengthened ourselves by witnessing your battles and seeing your faith and strength honed and sharpened. We stand with you in prayer. Keep telling those mountain to be removed.

  20. Prayers everyday for mom, dad, sweet baby Jude and anyone who encounters your lives. Praying that our Mighty God will show himself true and just through the little life you chose to save. Big hugs from one mama to another. Love to you all! Conchita & Bobby

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